WebMd… WebMedicalDisaster

I need to block WebMd from my computer. In fact, I really think that there needs to be some sort of  evaluation to have full access to the site because I know for a fact that I am not in a small minority of people who visit regarding a simple curious ailment and within five minutes are convinced they have cancer, a tumor, a horrible STD, or worst of all… an unplanned pregnancy!

Do you have a canker sore? Herpes.

Do you have a dull headache? Tumor.

Do you irregular periods? Tuberculosis.

I feel bad for my sorority sisters who became nurses instead of emotionally unpredictable bloggers and are good enough friends with me to receive my texts every time I go down this rabbit hole, because it’s a short trip from “something is amiss here” to “I’m dying”, and one which I drag them along on every step of the way. Ok it’s mostly just one. I’m sorry Racheal. I’m prone to panic and I loathe going to the doctors office.

Anywho, my most recent ailment is actually a fairly serious burn I acquired Monday morning before work. I was in the kitchen minding my own business when the kitchen timer went off. I reached across the skillet which was on the stove to turn it off. Skillet handles are not normally hot, right? I mean that’s the whole point, the handle doesn’t get too hot so you can hold on to it while you’re satueeing veggies or scrambling eggs or whatnot. Well my mother has apparently starting using her skillet INSIDE the oven so my good intentions of turning off the timer actually resulted in my wrist grazing 450 degree metal and voilla! A nice bubbly burn I estimate to be in the second degree range!

Since Monday my burn has shown no improvement whatsoever despite my consistent antibiotic ointment and wet burn bandage regime I paid a fortune to stock up on at RiteAid. The regime, which has, in fact, earned me a ridiculous amount of Is she a cutter?, Oh my God she tried to kill herself, and general What the fuck…. looks around work. Monday it was amusing in a “I can’t believe how obviously uncomfortable this makes you” sort of way. Now that we’ve hit Friday though I’m about two steps away from writing “ACCIDENTAL BURN” in Sharpie on the cloth tape holding my bandage on.

And what does WebMd have to say about all of this? Based on the symptom check list I should have gone to the doctor about five days ago. Typical.

Like so



  1. Well, at least you don’t think you have cancer everytime a weird bruise pops up due to a YA author and her books on dying teens. (I swear they were super popular! Why does no one else remember these books???)

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