Let’s have a toast for the douchebags

Today has been so FANTASTIC it’s hard to pick just one highlight. I think I’d have to go with having the police asking me if I’m a terrorist… but, we’ll get to that later.

So we’ve been talking about work a lot lately here at NattyandtheCity. Ironically enough, as soon as I decide to come clean about my job everyone is FIRED! Ok we know I wasn’t fired, we established I can make the best of any bad job. Nevertheless, yes folks, that’s right, two weeks before Christmas, and this afternoon upwards of 200 people were gathered for an announcement that each and every one of us is being laid off. The entire office is done for. We will be officially unemployed as of February but our hours will be cut as needed when we return on January 1. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Now, I had no delusions about who I worked for. I knew it was a big corporation with millions of customers making me totally meaningless to them. As far as my personal life goes I’m just superbly irritated because my “safe bet” job is gone, but I’m not going to be homeless in February. I’m going to be just fine. Probably going to have to reconsider some of my planned trips and eyebrow maintenance at the salon until I’ve secured something else… Merlin’s Christmas list is out the window, but we’ll be ok.

The thing is, they did not have the decency to even tell long-time employees this news privately. The people who jumped through the hoops, invested in turning this insufferable job into a career were told during the same cattle call employees like me were.

People were upset, clearly. The atmosphere was desperate, shocked. My boss dropped to the floor with his head in his hands. You could actually see his internal world collapsing. Most people went home after the announcement. It’s hard, after all, to be friendly and upbeat and wish everyone a Merry Christmas while you’re realizing you may need to return those presents you just bought, what arrangements can you make on your own power bill, should you go ahead and cut the cable now… just in case?

My supervisors have children, their pictures are on their desks. They have to go to their spouses tonight and explain that Christmas has to be downsized stat. There are couples at the office. Come February unless they find something quick things are going to be REALLY tight. And some of these people are asking me if I’ll be ok… It broke my heart. Really.

So after work I drove to the park near my house to chat this over with my best friend, Ingrid, before I had to go tell my keepers the news. Well, it turns out the park was technically closed. It took about 45minutes for two policeman to arrive in their seperate SUVs and question me as to why I’m in the park after dark. I explained my day thus far.

They took my information. Probably laughed to each other over my horrific driving record. Told me not to kill myself just because I got fired. Yeah, they said that. For the record, I wasn’t even crying. I didn’t cry at all today. No tangible reason to think I was sitting in the park about to end it all, but I guess they wanted to cover all the bases, which I respect and appreciate.Then they went that extra mile.

I was asked if I was a terrorist.

Literally the quote was, “Are you in communication with Al Queda?”…

Yeah, no. Not in communication. They stopped texting me after I left in the morning without saying goodbye. We were just FWB but it’s over now. It was never even facebook official.

Just another day that convinces me my life is directed by Larry David.



  1. That is horrendous! I feel awful for you and all of those people… At least we have our parents to help us out in time of need. Life is full of disappointments for us Foster’s… just sayin.

    And you totally look like a terrorist. I’m not surprised the were suspicious, really.

  2. It seems like for several generations now there’s been a disproportionate amount of heartache. There might be a curse. I’m just saying.
    And I know, I’ve got to lose the terrorist beard if I want to live a normal life but it keeps me so warm!

  3. Oh Natty! I’m so sorry! I know your pain. My advice is to get unemployment right away. Some people may mock you for it but I regret not going on it when I could have! Plus, your company has to pay a portion of it, so I like sticking it to the man.

    I’m sure Merlin will understand, he knows you’ve been trying to turn your life around.

  4. Pingback: Latosha kills herself. | Natty and the City

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